This here is an article about how different theatres handle the “turn your damn cell phones off” announcement at the beginning of a show and if their  particular method is useful.

It must be the bain of every company’s existence. Because people still don’t turn off their phones, and worse ANSWER them in the middle of a show. Oh clueless audience person, as if that call absolutely needed to be answered, right then, right there. Oh clueless audience person, how could you be so dense as not to know – in theatre, phone off. Clueless audience person, how could you.

But I have a bigger pet peeve, in a different class of clueless audience person. ( I feel at times there are so many classes) This one makes my skin crawl, my blood boil and my head ache. It’s the Krinkly candy opener.

It’s always in the quietest scene. The one that requires rapt attention. The one that you are so intensely involved in. And then it happens. Kriiiiiiiiiiick. Slow. Dead slow. Backwards. Fast, you could handle. Fast and it would be KRINKLE, over and done. But no, it’s always, always deathly slow. Kriiiiiiiiiiick. Like they think no one can hear. Like slow equals silence. I can read their minds – “If I open this candy at the speed of something that is the opposite of fast, no one will know what I’m doing.” Nay Krinkly candy opener! Your sluggish and stagnant step by step, inch by inch, minute by minute, hour by hour, of Kriiiiiiiiiiiick is enough to send me over the edge.

I can forgive a phone. Hey, maybe every other time you go to the theatre you’re very dilligent and this one time you forgot, and you turned it off right away. Maybe you’re in a special profession where indeed you are more important than every other single person in the theatre and you need to answer your phone.

But there is no forgiveness for the Krinkly candy opener. You know who you are.

What theatre pet peeves do you have?

  • http://www.facebook.com/jonplaywright Jonathan Dorf

    I actually had a guy chewing gum right next to me at last night’s performance of Waiting for Godot at the Mark Taper Forum.  He wasn’t blowing bubbles and no doubt didn’t realize he was doing it, but it was one of those small but entirely annoying things for almost the entire second act.  Add to that the people who have a body part–like a knee–that needs to constantly be in motion and shakes the entire row.

  • Billyhouck

    I have been annoyed many times by theatres that announce “unwrap your candy before the show,” but I have never actually been annoyed by the sound of wrappers. I save my annoyance for people who text during a show. Constantly.

  • Lindsay

    Yep the shaking knee. I have that problem all my life that if I’m supposed to be focused on X but Y is happening off to the side, I’m consumed by Y.