“People think I’m disciplined. It is not discipline. It is devotion. There is a great difference.” Luciano Pavarotti
Discipline vs Devotion. I’ve always chided myself for lack of discipline. I’m not disciplined at all. I don’t write eight hours a day. Most days I don’t write half that. And shhhhhhhh don’t tell anybody, but there are days when I don’t write at all. I take days off. On Sunday Craig and I went out into the sunshine for hours. Without a smidgen of guilt.
Well, that’s a lie. I feel guilty about not being disciplined all the time. I think I should do better. I should do more. I should get up earlier. I should write in the car if we’re going somewhere. I had plans for four new plays this spring and only one is going to get done. I have re-writes to tend to and writing articles.
Why aren’t I doing more? Why am I watching American Idol when I could be working? Oh crap, did I just admit to watching American Idol?
And then I read the above quote. When I read that quote, one of those little cartoon thought bubble appeared above my head. (It did, seriously. Would I lie to you?) And my first thought was – that’s me. I’m just like Pavarotti. Sort of. You know what I mean.
For you see, I’m not disciplined, but I’m fiercely devoted to what I do. I am devoted to being a playwright, and writing for youth and advocating for the importance of theatre in education. I’ll never give it up, I’ll never give up on it.
And while I still have to work on the guilt, there will always be the guilt, I wouldn’t know what to do with myself if I didn’t have something to worry about, while there’s still the guilt, now I have a sense of peace too. I may not be disciplined but I am devoted. It’s a good thing to be.