I’m cheating a bit this week. This is a movie monologue, but the monologue doesn’t actually appear in the movie. It’s a deleted scene that can be found on the DVD of Waiting for Guffman.
Waiting for Guffman is a love letter to small town community theatre. A ragtag group of amateur thespians rehearse a play to celebrate their town’s sesquicentennial.
There’s a sequence near the beginning of the film where the “actors” audition for the show. Two auditions segments were shot for the character of Libby Mae (Parker Posey). The one that made the cut was a deliriously hilarious rendition of Teacher’s Pet. The monologue below is what ended up on the cutting room floor.
Written by Posey herself, it’s probably the greatest “bad acting” job in the history of film. I’ve heard it said that it takes a very talented singer to convincingly sing “badly.” I suppose the same goes for acting because Posey’s turn is so incredibly bad that it’s brilliant.
From the wretchedly forced writing (Well, who’s lying in bed in an insane asylum plugged into a life support system? And who’s wearing fine jewels and expensive clothes? And whose husband accidentally died just recently and left me all his money?) to the ridiculous staging (the gum chewing, the door knocking, the pause to point out the electrical plug) Posey gives a clinic in what not to do at an audition. Unless, of course, you do it this well.