Water. Gun. Argument.
by Alan Haehnel
A squirt gun would never be mistaken for a real gun, right?
About 40 minutes
Times given are approximate and do not include intermissions/scene changes/breaks
49
4 M | 8 W | 37 Any Gender, Using doubling, the play could be performed with as few as 18 actors
Simple set
30 pages
An argument is a lie you choose to believe and defend.
Every year the students of Ratherford High participate in a squirt gun competition called Assassin. There are rounds, rules and judges.
It’s the oldest game in the world, right? Kids trying to shoot at each other with play guns? It’s become a national phenomenon, so what’s the harm?
If there was an actual school shooting, of course they’d stop playing. And a squirt gun would never be mistaken for a real gun, right? An argument is a lie you choose to believe and defend. A thought provoking and powerful piece in a docu-theatre style.
Characters
49
4 Men, 8 Women, 37 Any Gender, Using doubling, the play could be performed with as few as 18 actors
Characters in this play are currently identified as male or female. Directors are welcome to assign any gender (binary or non-binary) to any character and modify pronouns accordingly.
-
MICHAEL
[M]
93 lines
- Male. The curator of the play.
-
JENNIFER
[A]
8 lines
- Reporter for WCYA. Could double as a protestor, as one of the Complaints 1-9, as Morgan, Brigid, Shelly or Anna.
-
JASON
[A]
21 lines
- A none-too-bright member of Michael’s Assassin team. Could double as a protestor, as one of the Complaints 1-9.
-
MELISSA
[A]
17 lines
- Principal of Ratherford High School.
-
GIRL
[W]
1 line
- A single-line character squirted by Jason. Could double as a protestor, as one of the Complaints 1-9.
-
MR. HUDNOR
[A]
11 lines
- Argumentation teacher at Ratherford High School.
-
CAPTAIN MEEKS
[A]
5 lines
- Chief of Ratherford Police Department.
-
TOMMY
[M]
23 lines
- Cocky member of an Assassin Team opposing Michael’s. Could double as a protestor, as one of the Complaints 1-9.
-
JAKE
[M]
10 lines
- Teammate with Tommy. Could double as a protestor, as one of the Complaints 1-9.
-
ELISE
[W]
13 lines
- An Assassin judge with a crush on Michael.
-
QUESTIONER
[A]
25 lines
- A faceless voice who questions Officer Kline.
-
OFFICER KLINE
[W]
35 lines
- A member of the Ratherford police force.
-
MRS. GRAY
[W]
13 lines
- An old widow who feels threatened by the Assassin game.
- COMPLAINT 1-9 [A]
- Various off-stage voices representing players of the Assassin game with complaints for the judges.
-
CARA
[A]
12 lines
- An Assassin player on a team opposing Michael’s.
-
TOBY
[A]
8 lines
- Team-mate to Cara.
-
PROTESTERS
[A]
8 lines
- 8-20 people carrying signs and chanting protests.
-
MORGAN
[W]
12 lines
- Member of the final-round Assassin team. Could double as a protestor, as one of the Complaints 1-9.
-
BRIGID
[W]
24 lines
- Captain of the final-round Assassin team. Could double as a protestor, as one of the Complaints 1-9.
-
SHELLY
[W]
7 lines
- Member of the final-round Assassin team. Could double as a protestor, as one of the Complaints 1-9.
-
ANNA
[W]
8 lines
- Member of the final-round Assassin team. Could double as a protestor, as one of the Complaints 1-9.
- Subgenres
- Character study
- Settings
- Present day
- Dress
- Contemporary costumes Simple costumes
- Audience
- Teen
- Features
- Character study Ensemble
- Set
- Simple set
- Cautions
- Frank talk of death Gun shots Physical violence
- Themes
- Adolescence Death Individuality Morality Personal responsibility School violence Friendship Race
- Other uses
- Competition Monologues
Multimedia
Related Titles
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Royalty fees apply to all performances whether or not admission is charged. Any performance in front of an audience (e.g. an invited dress rehearsal) is considered a performance for royalty purposes.
Exemption details for scenes and monologues for competition.
Water. Gun. Argument.
by Alan Haehnel
About 40 minutes
Times given are approximate and do not include intermissions/scene changes/breaks
49
4 M | 8 W | 37 Any Gender, Using doubling, the play could be performed with as few as 18 actors
Simple set
30 pages