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The Baloney, the Pickle, the Zombies, and Other Things I Hide From My Mother by Bradley Walton play script cover

The Baloney, the Pickle, the Zombies, and Other Things I Hide From My Mother

by Bradley Walton

“What are you doing with the baloney?” That’s the question Emma asks her big brother Trevor when she finds him in the kitchen at 2 A.M.

But Trevor is up to much more than a late night snack — he’s bringing food to life with experiments he hopes will lead to the creation of zombies he can sell as cheap laborers.

Together with his living baloney-minon, Meyer, Trevor is about to embark on a night in which he will face an angry neighbor, be questioned by police, bring a pickle to life, and discover that his food may actually be smarter than he is... all while trying to keep everything secret from his mother and little sister.

Average Producer Rating: 4.5 out of 5

Recommended for High Schools and Middle Schools

At a Glance

Running Time
About 30 minutes
Approximate; excludes intermissions and scene changes
Cast
8 Characters
1 F 7 Any Gender
Doubling Possible
Set
Simple Set
Length
34 pages
Free Excerpt

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Performance Royalty Fees

Royalty fees apply to all performances whether or not admission is charged. Any performance in front of an audience (e.g. an invited dress rehearsal) is considered a performance for royalty purposes.

Exemption details for scenes and monologues for competition.

8 Characters

  • 1 Female
  • 7 Any Gender
  • Doubling Possible

Characters in this play are currently identified as male or female. Directors are welcome to assign any gender (binary or non-binary) to any character - with the exception of MRS. WEAVING - and modify pronouns accordingly.

  • TREVOR/TRINA Any gender 268 lines
    A teenage genius who is conducting preliminary experiments on food products as a step towards creating zombies.
  • EMMA/EDDIE Any gender 59 lines
    Trevor’s little sister/brother, age 8.
  • MEYER Any gender 205 lines
    A piece of baloney Trevor has brought to life (can be a slice or a whole sausage).
  • POLICE OFFICER Any gender 38 lines
    Near retirement age.
  • MRS. WEAVING Female 12 lines
    The neighbor.
  • VLAD Any gender 10 lines
    A pickle Trevor brings to life.
  • CATHY/CHARLIE Any gender 4 lines
    Trevor’s mother/father.
  • VERONICA/VICTOR Any gender 13 lines
    A member of the opposite sex who Meyer met in a coffee shop.

Praise for The Baloney, the Pickle, the Zombies, and Other Things I Hide From My Mother

5 out of 5 stars
Joseph Murphy
Rogers Middle School
Middle school audiences will love the humor and absurdity in this play.
4 out of 5 stars
Korey Cantrell
North High
We did a class production and liked it enough to take it to competition. Everyone involved--students, audience, teachers, liked the show and enjoyed the humor.
5 out of 5 stars
Marla Johnson
Eudora Middle School
Students enjoy portraying the quirky characters and the staging is fairly simple. This was perfect for our group of eight students.

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